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You are not broken
The statistics are heavy: gay, lesbian and bisexual people have higher rates of depression, anxiety, addiction and suicide attempts than the general population. That is a fact and there is no point hiding it.
But the cause is not the orientation. The cause is the stress of living under stigma — hiding, expecting rejection, hearing people like you spoken about with contempt, calculating at every step who might work it out. Researchers call this minority stress. It is measurable, well documented and — this is the part that matters — something that happens to you, not something you are.
You are not depressed because you are gay. You are exhausted because you have been carrying something heavy for years and nobody helped you put it down.
The hiding
Constantly monitoring what you say, to whom, in what tone, with which pronouns. It looks like nothing. It happens a thousand times a day and drains you like a second job.
Expecting rejection
Even when nothing happens, your body stays alert. That is why you come away tired from places where other people rest — family lunches, changing rooms, work.
What you overhear
The jokes, the comments, the “I’ve nothing against it, but…”. Each is small on its own. Collected over twenty years, they shape what you think of yourself.
Not seeing anyone like you
If you have never seen a life like yours that looks good, it is hard to believe one exists. That is part of why this site is here.
Understanding this does not fix everything. But it moves the question from “what is wrong with me” to “what happened to me and what do I do about it”. The second question has answers.
Coming out
There is no correct way and no correct age. There is only your life and what is safe and bearable for you right now.
Coming out is not one event but something you will do for the rest of your life — to a new colleague, a new doctor, a new landlord. So it helps to think of it as a skill rather than an exam you sit once.
You owe nobody
Not your parents, not your friends, not “the community”. Staying private is not a betrayal; it is a survival strategy, and sometimes it is the right one.
Yourself first
The coming out that matters most is the internal one — the moment you stop negotiating with yourself. The rest get easier after it.
Start with the safest person
Not the most important one. One friend who will certainly react well changes everything, because you are no longer alone in the secret.
You choose when, where and how
Calmly, not mid-argument. In person or by message — whichever is easier. If someone is pressuring you to come out, that is their problem, not yours.
Nobody has the right to out you
If someone threatens to tell another person, that is a form of abuse. It is not gossip and it is not “for your own good”.
Before telling your family — think about these
- Do you depend on them financially, and what happens if that stops?
- Do you live with them, and do you have somewhere to go if you need it?
- Is there a history of violence in the family?
- Is there at least one person who already knows, who you can call afterwards?
- If you are under 18 — is there an adult you trust outside the family?
When family does not accept
This is the most common hard subject and we will not lie to you: sometimes it hurts for years and sometimes it never resolves. More often it changes, just far more slowly than you want.
It helps to know the first reaction is almost never the final one. Your parents are reacting to things they learned in a time when people like you were only ever spoken about badly. That is not an excuse. But it is a reason not to treat the first three months as a verdict.
Shock and denial
“It’s a phase.” “Who put this in your head.” The first weeks usually mean nothing lasting.
Looking for someone to blame
Often themselves, or you, or someone else. This is where the ugliest things tend to get said.
Bargaining
“Fine, but don’t tell anyone.” It hurts because it resembles acceptance and is not.
Quiet coexistence
The subject is not discussed but life goes on. Many families stop here for years.
Real acceptance
They ask about your partner by name. It comes — for many families it does come — but on their clock, not yours.
And an uncomfortable truth
You are not responsible for their journey. It is not your job to educate them, reassure them and wait indefinitely. If home has become unsafe or is crushing you, the most loving thing you can do for yourself may be to step away — temporarily or for good. That does not make you a bad son or daughter.
Shame and self-hatred
If you grew up hearing that people like you are disgusting, ridiculous or ill, some of that went inside you. Not because you are weak, but because you were a child and you believed adults.
It is called internalised homophobia and nearly all of us carry some. It rarely sounds like hatred. More often it sounds like caution, like good taste, like common sense.
How it sounds from the inside
- “I’m not one of those gays.”
- “I don’t mind, as long as they don’t flaunt it.”
- Disgust at feminine men or masculine women.
- A sense that your relationship is less real than your brother’s.
- The certainty that you will never have a normal life, home or family.
- Relief when someone says “you can’t even tell”.
What helps
- Naming it. A thought recognised as learned loses much of its authority.
- Asking where it came from: is this my opinion, or a man who shouted at me when I was 12?
- Seeing living people who live well. Real ones, not on television.
- Stopping punishing others for what you punished yourself for.
- Therapy with someone who will not help you “fix” it.
Loneliness
Loneliness for gay and lesbian people in Bulgaria has a specific shape: it is not an absence of people but an absence of people around whom you edit nothing. You can be surrounded by friends and still be alone in that way.
Dating apps do not solve this problem — they solve a different one. If you are looking for connection and friendship and getting only hookups, that does not mean something is wrong with you.
Find one place, not ten
One regular place where you hide nothing outweighs a hundred shallow contacts. Rainbow Hub in Sofia is exactly that kind of place; in smaller towns it is often one group or one person.
Online counts too
Support chats and groups are not second-class friendship. For someone in a small town they are often the only door, and that is reason enough to take it.
Do something instead of meeting people
People get close sideways — while doing something together, not while sitting opposite each other introducing themselves. Volunteering, sport, a choir, anything.
Be who you needed
If you got this far, you survived something. Someone aged 17 is drowning in it right now. Sometimes what pulls you out of loneliness is being needed.
Finding a therapist who will not try to “cure” you
Therapy works, but only with the right person. The wrong therapist can do real harm — particularly one who quietly believes your orientation is the problem to be solved.
Bulgaria has one practical route: Single Step’s network of psychologists trained specifically to work with LGBTI people, with published contacts in ten cities. It is the closest thing to a real directory of affirming professionals that exists here. GLAS Foundation’s Kabinet Daga also offers free sessions.
About “conversion therapy” — know this
So-called conversion or reparative therapy does not work. There is no reliable method of changing a person’s sexual orientation, and attempts to do so are associated with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
In Bulgaria it is NOT banned. In ILGA-Europe’s 2026 report the country scores zero on both indicators for a conversion-practices ban — unchanged from the previous year.
We could not find a public statement from any Bulgarian professional body specifically condemning conversion practices. The Bulgarian Association for Psychotherapy’s code of ethics requires equal treatment regardless of sexual orientation but does not address conversion practices directly.
In practice that means nobody will protect you but you. Ask in advance.
Questions to ask in the first conversation
- “Do you have experience with LGBT clients?”
- “How do you view sexual orientation — as something that can be changed?”
- “Have you worked on coming out to family?”
- “What is your position on conversion practices?”
- A good professional will answer calmly and clearly. Evasion is itself an answer.
Red flags
- Asks when “this started” and hunts for a trauma to explain it.
- Links your orientation to your relationship with your parents as a cause.
- Offers to “work on it”, as though it were a symptom.
- Talks about a “lifestyle” or a “choice”.
- Tells you not to rush coming out “for your own good”, without having heard anything about your life.
- Leaves you feeling ashamed after you shared something intimate.
What it costs and what the state covers
Psychiatric care (a doctor, a diagnosis, medication) is publicly funded and effectively free — through NZOK and the state budget. In an acute crisis this is the accessible route.
Psychotherapy with a private practitioner is paid out of pocket. Published Sofia rates run roughly €35–80 per session, with around €40–50 for a 60-minute individual session being common. Check with the individual practitioner — these are example prices, not a tariff.
Free sessions: Kabinet Daga (GLAS Foundation) and Kabinet.bg offer up to a few free sessions. The number is the same for both — 0800 20 202, every working day 10:00 – 16:00.
If you are under 18, Kabinet Daga requires written consent from a parent or guardian. Worth knowing before you call.
Sources
Organisation details and phone numbers were verified on 13 August 2026 against their official pages. Bulgarian support lines change their hours often — see the “Get help now” page for the fullest list.